I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
