dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
