pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I want to walk on stilts...naked
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
