I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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