No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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