my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
