p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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