i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
my being single is dangerous.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
