you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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