How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
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