You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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