i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
