no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
