does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
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