AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
i love accidental penises.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
