Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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