If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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