I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Randomize
