apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
And my parents said I crawled through the house
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
