Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
