She is in my trunk
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
