Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
