I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
he told me I talked like a deaf person
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
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