she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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