Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
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