so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
