I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
