you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
