Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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