I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
