She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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