from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
