I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
