She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
