maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
