census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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