After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
