well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
