I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
