It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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