I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Randomize
