Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
