When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
