Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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