So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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