I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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