whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
