I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
