Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
