I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
