She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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